“The Invite"
On this super sunny, warm summer Sunday here in New York, I found myself with a full day to myself, both kids out socializing with their friends. I decided for the earlier part of the day to head to the movies to see a non superhero, non apocalyptic movie - no animation or special effects to draw my kids in. Just a movie about four people, two relationships, socializing in one apartment for an evening. “The Invite,” beautifully written by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack.
With just me and one other person in the theater, I sat in my favorite reclining seat. I’m guessing most people opted for being outside on such a spectacular weather day, with no wildfire smoke or excessive heat warnings. Or perhaps the ones who did choose to get to a movie decided on a more spectacular cinematic event like The Odyssey. With post-covid movie theater options becoming thinner, quieter movies like this about people are becoming more and more rare.
Olivia Wilde did an amazing job directing and acting as one of the main roles. She played anxious, sad, insecure, desperate, and hopeful with incredible grace and humanity. I could feel her tears welling up in her reddening eyes, her streaks of anger and frustration with her husband, and her desperation for more in her life. You could feel her longing in her description of her neighbor’s (Pina played by Penelope Cruz) orgasm, and see it in her eyes when Hawk (played by Ed Norton) offered to do to her what gave Pina the orgasms she listened to through their apartment walls.
The entire movie is filled with vulnerability and encapsulates so many emotions in mid-life “romantic” relationships, and a long-term marriage in particular. It’s literally laugh out loud funny at times, and deeply moving and thought-provoking at others.
I thought it was great that they showed moments when the newer, happier couple, who initially seemed to have all the answers, argued with one another with resentment and anger, just like the married couple.
Ed Norton’s speech about his regret of how he had shamed and denigrated his deceased wife when she had tried to share her fantasies with him was very moving. Now that she was gone, he could see how he had diminished her bravery in trying to live her life more boldly than he was willing at that point. Seth Rogan’s character was great to break the teary moment by pointing out how the man had deprived his wife of her pleasure and now was overindulging in his own after she had died.
Seth Rogan did an amazing job bringing regret, shame, insecurity and frustration to the screen, and still brought humor and hope to the character. I can’t say enough about how well the entire cast carries us through the nuances and emotions of relationship dynamics as life gets murky in the middle years.
The romantic optimist in me was hoping for the main couple to find a new way to be together, to build a new layer to their currently lost relationship, together.
That’s how I played my role in my long-term marriage when it was failing. I doubled down on my all-in-ness, be it through marriage counseling, being honest, open and vulnerable, willing to change some aspects of myself and my ideas of what a marriage should look like. Unfortunately, my counterpart was not willing to build with me, and so my happier ending was to walk away from the toxic world my marriage had become.
There was a time when a movie like this may have made me feel very sad that I didn’t get that happy, romantic ending. I used to see it as not being chosen. As I continue growing as a person, a single person, I realize that my happy ending was learning to choose myself, to speak up for myself and stop allowing someone to treat me badly. I can still root for couples in trouble to stretch and grow together to find a new path, and I can also recognize that choosing not to stay with someone who is harming you is an equally happy ending, just a different path.
